I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize