This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
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Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
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Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I didn't notice because vodka
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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