kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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