Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
