I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
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My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
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As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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