So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
