the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
