i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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