Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
