I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
