he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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