today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
