you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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