My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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