Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
