Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
