and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just had sex bonerless
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
