I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
