the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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