I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
