i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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