im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
