Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
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Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
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most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
pray to the hookup gods
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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