I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
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