i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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