I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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