we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
