belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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