whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
