How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
