I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
