You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
