HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
as a side note pls kill me
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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