My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she looked like the before picture.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
