Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
