I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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