Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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