We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My life is pants optional.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
