Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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