whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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