did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
