I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
