I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Sorry my hands just texted you
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
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