i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
