I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
