My girlfriend figured out who you are.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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