ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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