i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
