You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit a glass in half.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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