Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
