He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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