I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize