Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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