i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
