I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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