wat bout pragnant strippers??
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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