as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
