Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
