You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
