so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
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I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
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You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize