we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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