I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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