hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Randomize
