I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
