Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
