I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
