you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
