Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
